Citations de Friends

Mr. Geller: I'm not going to tell you what they spent on that wedding. But 40 thousand dollars is a lot of money.

[While all the friends except for Chandler are playing Twister, the phone rings]
Chandler: Hello? ...Yeah, I'll get her for you now. Rachel, it's for you.
Rachel: Oh, will you take my place?
Chandler: Hi, this is Rachel...

Chandler: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection.
Jill Goodacre: [gives him a strange look and a stick of gum]
Chandler: [takes it and chews it][in his mind] Gum would be perfection. Gum would be perfection. Could have said gum would be nice, or I'll have a stick. But no no no nooo. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.

[In their apartment at night, Joey worries that if he marries, he might be unfaithful like his father.]
Chandler: You're not him. You're you. [...] And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say, "No thanks — I'm married."

Ross: Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?
Joey: How about Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free.
Ross: Hey, does anyone know a good place if you're not dating a puma?

Chandler: Can you see my nipples through this shirt?
Rachel: No. But don't worry, I'm sure they're still there.

Rachel: Guess what? Guess what, guess what, guess what?!
Chandler: Um, okay, the fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending Trident?

Chandler: I got her machine.
Joey: Her answering machine?
Chandler: No, interestingly enough her leaf-blower picked up.

Rachel: This isn't about the movie theater. This is about you stealing my wind.
Ross: Excuse me — your wind?
Rachel: How do you expect me to grow, if you won't let me blow?
Ross: You know, um...I don't have a...have a...problem with that.

[Chandler coming out of the bathroom holding a magazine]
Chandler: All right, I took the quiz. And it turns out I do put career before men.

Chandler: You know what's weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?

Chandler: I was just at the bank and there was this really hot teller, and she didn't ask me to go do it with her in the vault!
Joey: Same kind of thing happened to me! Woman pizza-delivery guy comes over, gives me the pizza, takes the money, and leaves!
Chandler: What? No, "Nice apartment, I bet the bedrooms are huge?"
Joey: No! Nothing!
Chandler: You know what? We have to turn off the porn.

Frank: Chandler's a girl!
Chandler: Oh God, kindergarten flashback.

[The duck walks by quacking]
Chandler [angerly mocking the duck]: Oh, oh, I'm a duck. I go quack-quack. I'm happy all the time.

[Ross arrives, moping and angry.]
Ross: Someone at work ate my sandwich!
Chandler: Well, what did the police say?

Chandler: [Sniffs] This sandwich does smell good...
Joey: Did I tell you to smell my sandwich?!
Chandler: I can't smell your sandwich?
Joey: NO! Half of the taste is in the smell! You sucking up all the taste units!
Chandler: OK, I'll give them back. [Exhales]

Ross: And that's the story of the dreidle. Now, some people trace the Christmas tree back to the Egyptians, who used to bring green palm branches into their huts on the shortest day of the year, symbolising life's triumph over death. And that was like four thousand years ago.
Rachel: So, pretty much around the same time that you started telling this story.

Ross: Alright, a joke, lighten the mood. Two guys walk into a bar, and one of them is Irish.
Paul: I'm Irish.
Ross (hesitantly): ...And the Irish guy wins the joke.

Monica: You kissed a guy? Oh my God!
Chandler: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy.

[Ross and his attractive cousin Cassie are catching up.]
Ross: And I'll always remember that summer, because that's when I realized that we are related.
Cassie: It took you that long to figure it out?
Ross: I'm a little slow. [under his breath] Just as our children would be.

Monica: Ross, why are you all hot and sweaty?
Ross: I just bamboozled Chandler!
[Monica looks confused.]
Ross: Which isn't a sexual thing...

Ross: Hypothetically speaking...
Joey: Wait. You lost me.