Insultes sur Internet

Patrick et moi, quand on joue aux échecs, on insulte souvent nos adversaires après avoir gagné. Ça peut avoir l'air immature, mais c'est rendu la norme (en tout cas sur FICS), alors tu as vraiment le choix entre être poli et te faire insulter, OU insulter quand tu gagnes, te faire insulter quand tu perds. (Avec le temps, on apprend à "ignorer" son adversaire avant que la partie ne se termine, de telle sorte qu'on évite habilement le problème de se faire insulter, et qu'on reste avec un win-win situation).

Mais bon... tout ça pour dire que Patrick a décidé de répertorier quelques insultes que nous avons lancées au cours des mois précédents, et je vous les offre ce soir. La plupart peuvent être comprises par tout le monde selon moi, mais probablement que certaines seront nébuleuses, mais bon.

Deux sections: celles de Patrick, puis les miennes. (Soit dit en passant, on insulte seulement quand on est connecté anonymement -- pas à avoir trop peur des représailles).



Celles de Patrick

anon4 says: U MISSED YOUR CHANCE FOR AN ADVANTAGE IN THE OPENING PAL

anon1 says: why do you keep on castling on opposite wings if you're rated 1000? why don't you just resign on move 1 while you're at it

[after 12 moves:] Your opponent offers you a draw. Use "draw" to accept. The offer is valid until you make a move.
anon3 says: you know you're in for some pain don't you

anon15 says: lolol
anon15 says: what was THAT
anon15 says: what did u think of my move? 15. ...Rxc3!! (double exclamation point)
Your previous opponent has left.

anon6 says: uve been exposed to real chess there
anon6 says: ure welcome

anon7 says: LOL!!!!11!!11!

anon17 says: I'm all about tactics
Your previous opponent has left.

anon1 says: nice game pal
anon1 says: you really tried to kick my ass there

anon18 says: nice opening there pal, where did u learn all those knight moves

anon5 says: I'm not even sorry
Your previous opponent has left.

anon8 says: I can't believe you took that many rematches

Patrizsche says: :))))
Balthazar says: +noplay
Patrizsche says: 5-min doesn't take noplays
Patrizsche says: lol
Patrizsche says: so we might just meet again sometime! cheers!

anon8 says: time to resign
anon8 says: just let go.. free yourself

anon1 says: a little flagging action there hmm?

anon5 says: lol
anon5 says: 50 seconds to my 2:10 to lose a piece

anon2: very very nice pawn grabbing there, both when you lost your queen and got mated :)

anon10 says: I would pay not to have ur bishop lol

anon14 says: u losing this game again I think.. from this position at least
[a little later] anon14 says: yes
[after the game] anon14 says: gg!!
anon14 says: nice flagging try there by the way.. it's sorry that it didn't work.. what's ironic, lol, is that I finished with more than twice as much time as you did

anon4 says: I think we can safely say you learned something there

anon9 says: hahahahaah
anon9 says: i bet u regret ur bluff now

anon12 says: hahaha
anon12 says: hard to let go uh? you could have resigned a thousand moves ago

anon3 says: it was somewhat close.. 21 moves

anon4 says: my gosh
anon4 says: I played like those in the skies

anon18 says: you had a choice between getting flagged or getting mated and you made a choice.. in life, always make a choice, I always say

anon9 says: you almost premoved that last mistake

anon10 says: I had to finish you off brutally like that, I'm sorry but it's part of my values.. I like my values actually

anon8 says: a little flagging, a little piece dropping.. so just a normal day on the whole hmm

[after refusing an abort request on move 1 and proceeding to lose the game]
anon1 says: :)))))))))
anon1 says: no abort ?? ;)00000

anon4 says: I played very well, thanks

anon2 says: this was very short, thanks gg

anon12 says: bad opening choice
anon12 says: Ne4, questionable move, so I'll annotate it with: Ne4?

anon9 says: LOL!!!!!
anon9 says: rematch?

anon5 says: nice pawn moves
anon5 says: now look at me win this game

anon14: your loss shed an interesting light on my victory

anon2 says: it bums me out that I had to force you into awkward resignation like that

anon1 says: my tactical skills are interesting to say the least

anon2 says: you were lucky with your knights there, but thank god I regained my composure

anon8 says: not looking good lol
anon8 says: you made snap decisions

anon2 says: nice pawn structure, hey maybe next time you get to keep it

anon1 says: two trapped knights lol
anon1 says: one down one to go

anon4 says: 8 moves

anon4 says: it seems that every game was a challenge to see how fast you could lose

anon3 says: you should have pushed some more pawns, maybe you would have won that way, *shrug*
You decline the match offer from SynapticGap.
anon3 says: thanks, one is enough for me there :)

anon11 says: wow that SUCKED

GuestFTSC(U) says: id rather lose than draw a piece of #$%& like you
GuestFTSC(U) says: you fukin jew
GuestMBXG(U) says: and you think that's not fine with me?

anon4 says: no resign button?

anon9 says: no resign button = no rematch

anon5 says: you'Re so good!!
anon5 says: you're definitely underrated... you're a solid 1345

anon14 says: flagging is not a good strategy in that type of game

anon2 says: you know, I have been eating rice krispies while beating you

[after trying to flag in a completely drawn position and eventually losing on time himself:]
anon8 says: lol
anon8 says: u should have offered a draw instead of flagging

anon7 says: no resign button? or no respect? lol

anon9 says: I really can't tel you're 1400... oh wait no, you played h3 and g4 on the kingside

anon1 says: no respect for those who can't resign
anon1 says: I had to destroy you, sorry

anon6 says: sweet jeeeeeeeesus.... you lost piece after piece after piece.. and on time!!

anon7 says: u got mated
anon7 says: nice pawn grab

anon1 says: trying to flag me ? me ?! LOL

anon3 says: u sure u a coach?
anon3 says: I wouldn't pay is all I'm saying

anon12 says: mister was playing all fast and quick at the beggining huh?

anon13 says: oh well, I'm trying to figure out something to tell you here, but quite honestly I'm speachless.. you got taught a valuable lesson here and I think that's what counts

anon1 says: I don't know if you remember, but I never lost to you with that opening

anon10 says: u sure u 2141 pal? u're a mate misser

anon2 says: oh ouch, OH

anon8 says: BURN
anon8 says: ouch, hmm?
anon8 says: it hurts to suck like that I guess
NippsyRusssel says: lucky?
anon8 says: lol, sure, call that luck if you want :)
NippsyRusssel says: don't confuse your luck with my skill #$%&#!!!
anon8 says: lol?! you lost dude, where are the skills in that? "I'm losing very well" ?!

anon2 says: long think bad think

anon10 says: sucks to be you

XxxASSASSINxxX tells you: u stink, ur game is wack, ho
XxxASSASSINxxX tells you: luck is not skill
anon4 says: lol, you lost to someone whose game is whack? what's that insult?!

anon7 says: well, I didn't know I'd be teaching today, but YOU GOT SCHOOLED

anon10 says: very nice attack there, took a while before you resigned but STILL, very nice handling of the losing position.. "keep on counterattacking", I always say
Your previous opponent has left.

anon13 says: LOL!!!
anon13 says: flagging operation was started but quickly aborted

anon4 says: generally I take the liberty to give a sentence or two to my opponent that sums up the game, but this one was so short I'm without resources



Les miennes

GuestMSZZ(U) says: nice opening
GuestMSZZ(U) says: do that everytime you can, you'll be as good as it gets

GuestCHSS(U) says: hmmm... i think it might have been drawn, you know
GuestCHSS(U) says: hadn't you played like an ass, i mean

GuestRMPL(U) says: you're good
GuestRMPL(U) says: in a not-good-enough-though way

GuestRBPL(U) says: a massacre

GuestBGQF(U) says: you were panicking... cute :)

spielegern(U) says: lol i play for fun
GuestYTWH(U) says: oh don't worry I didn't think you played professionally :)

GuestQPKJ(U) says: HAHA!!
GuestQPKJ(U) says: wow, that was pretty sad
GuestQPKJ(U) says: this is you during the game: "i win, i win, i win, i win, i win, oh god i lost how did that happen"

GuestKTNN(U) says: you've been schooled
GuestKTNN(U) says: you're welcome

kolonatus(U) says: i had mouse errors
GuestMLDL(U) says: i had a sandwich

GuestKPWP(U) says: *crunch* oops, sorry... i stepped all over you

GuestFDNN(U) says: 3-0
GuestFDNN(U) says: ain't no luck no more

GuestKLWF(U) says: HAHA!!hahaha hah aaa.... haaaahahaha!!1111!!

GuestBNWP(U) says: you could have resigned
GuestBNWP(U) says: but no... i had to wipe you instead
GuestBNWP(U) says: wipe you dry and clean

GuestNJDL(U) says: *ding* Oh, you're done!

GuestWSSP(U) says: my name is spelled C-A-R-N-A-G-E -- carnage.

GuestHSDT(U) says: i know what you're thinking... "gosh, he's so good"
GuestHSDT(U) says: well i know!

GuestSSPY(U) says: checkmate
GuestSSPY(U) says: nope... no turning back
GuestSSPY(U) says: once it's checkmate it's all over, you gotta move on
GuestSSPY(U) says: don't hang on to it, it's not worth it... just move on
GuestSSPY(U) says: just another failed attempt is all that is

GuestMJMH(U) says: ouch :S
GuestMJMH(U) says: nice try though

GuestPXKZ(U) says: you had to think for 10 minutes to play *that*?
GuestPXKZ(U) says: i could have blundered my queen using no time at all... but that's just how good i am

Seacrest(U) says: screw u
GuestVBRF(U) says: oh god my eyes, burning with disgust

GuestPLLV(U) says: what a lousy opening you have there
GuestPLLV(U) says: i'd say "work on it", but i mean, that would be bad advice... how about you just try another one?

GuestWWLF(U) says: oh
GuestWWLF(U) says: i was starting to think you didn't know how to resign
GuestWWLF(U) says: i was misled because of the way you kept playing in a hopeless position

GuestLJKP(U) says: i prevailed!

GuestMMWR(U) says: wow, sometimes i even impress myself
GuestMMWR(U) says: for instance, in our game, i achieved brilliant levels of play at times!

GuestWRFP(U) says: i played well, thanks for the game

GuestVBSL(U) says: who knew you'd get a valuable lesson on a Saturday, right? You got schooled.

GuestWFLG(U) says: i win
GuestWFLG(U) says: i sacrifice material, i get a huge positional advantage -- HUGE, and i win
GuestWFLG(U) says: surprised? not me

GuestBJRR(U) says: i know what you're thinking... "wow"

GuestJRTS(U) says: "nice opening"... lol just kidding

GuestLKWD(U) says: lol, your last finger note is ridiculous
GuestLKWD(U) says: i can't even figure out whether you're serious or being ironic

GuestMQKK(U) says: lol
GuestMQKK(U) says: nice opening, nice middlegame... lousy endgame
GuestMQKK(U) says: lousy lousy
paulbuchman tells you: by then the time trouble set in
paulbuchman tells you: thanks for the game
GuestMQKK(U) says: really, in a 1 0? you don't say

{Game 219 (GuestGSLW vs. GuestNVSF) GuestGSLW forfeits on time} 0-1 No ratings adjustment done.
GuestNVSF(U) says: oh god i didn't realize it was a 1 0... oops sorry, you* didn't realize

GuestKSFG(U) says: you started off good... it just so happens to be i'm incredible

[empty board except for 3 pawns:]
GuestLPDF(U) says: for a moment there i thought it was drawn with my three connected passed pawns

GuestQBSL(U) says: i spell DOOM

GuestPJSH(U) says: wake up and smell the doom

GuestMBWW(U) says: lol
GuestMBWW(U) says: "nice endgame skills"
GuestMBWW(U) says: how you got to such an acceptable position to a mess like that, I'll never know
GuestMBWW(U) says: but it sure was a matter of gradually sinking and stinking :)

GuestDNWX(U) says: lol
GuestDNWX(U) says: nice sacrifice
GuestDNWX(U) says: probably proud of it, and you should
Your previous opponent has left.

GuestWRTH(U) says: up a whole rook
GuestWRTH(U) says: see how i did it... just by playing good, seeing your mistakes and using them against you
GuestWRTH(U) says: that's what i call good chess

GuestQNTJ(U) says: lol
GuestQNTJ(U) says: not too good to hold on to your knights, right?
GuestQNTJ(U) says: right? am i right or am i right?

GuestTSWC(U) says: nice opening
GuestTSWC(U) says: don't work on it it's perfect... i can tell it's perfect by the way you got mated in 14 moves

GuestJZPY(U) says: see, that's where the "idiot" part comes in handy... idiot

GuestBPMM(U) says: you're welcome
GuestBPMM(U) says: people generally get paid for giving such valuable lessons

GuestNWPL(U) says: click click *BOOM*
GuestNWPL(U) says: YOU GO DOWN

GuestNMWS(U) says: you're my favorite brain-dead person in the whole world

GuestPWBB(U) says: i loved that queen move...
GuestPWBB(U) says: it was, hmmm... how to say it... gosh, there's so little polite words that would accurately describe how stupid it was :/

GuestKWRL(U) says: "oh i'm gonna PAWN STORM HIM!!! oh ... man, my queen :(("
GuestKWRL(U) says: HAHA... pathetic
GuestKWRL(U) says: "where did my queen go ?!?!!? ohhh !?!?"
Player "SuicideBeast" is censoring you.

GuestGHPS(U) says: checkmate
GuestGHPS(U) says: Qxg2#
GuestGHPS(U) says: by moving your knight you opened up my bishop's fierce attack to your g2 square, and I can use this immediately with the crushing Qxg2#, delivering checkmate at once.
GuestGHPS(U) says: good game.

GuestBTTS(U) says: lol
GuestBTTS(U) says: play slower next time, maybe you'll actually lose on time

GuestLWDD(U) says: i gotta say, i'm impressed
GuestLWDD(U) says: how you start up nice, and then you sink
GuestLWDD(U) says: i thought you'd hit bottom at some point, but the game apparently finished way too early